End of 2024 Reflection

This year has been full of twists, turns, surprises, heartbreak, and all the other adjectives you can think of. With the year winding down a bit, I thought I would spend a little time reflecting.

Reflection on Family:

I am so lucky to have a big supportive family. They have been incredibly supportive when I got rediagnosed this year. They have had my back from the beginning and have been sending me love and positive vibes all year long. Could not have done it without them.

I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about some really special and supportive people: my parents, my husband, my husband’s family, and my brothers. These people have been the foundation for my journey back into cancer life. They have done everything possible to make my life easier - from dealing with my bullshit cancer symptoms and mood swings to making sure they check up on me when they haven’t heard from me in a while to making sure I have what I need during the recovery days of chemo week. I don’t think I could have done any of this without them.

To my husband, who is my primary caretaker and my best friend, I would be in such a terrible state without you. He’s the one that makes sure I’m fed and hydrated, deals with my moods without complaining, and is my main motivation to get through the really hard days. Being a caregiver to someone with a chronic and complex illness is demanding in all areas (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually) and I know none of this has been easy for him. Perhaps going through this a second time is different but not any less difficult.

I also need to give a shoutout to my parents- they have been so supportive and have been helping me manage many a recovery week by giving me a safe, peaceful, and comfortable place to spend my recovery weeks. They always make sure to check on me everyday and keep a very close eye on my progress. They have been known to adjust their whole schedules around my treatment just like they did the first time we went through this together. They are always in my corner and I am so grateful.

I also need to give a shoutout to my husband’s parents for letting us live with them while we go through this again. They have been incredibly generous in allowing us to utilize their space and have been striving to help us as we need it. We could not have made it out of the cancer debt hole without them. I think it has brought us closer together and while we do have rough days, I am so grateful for them.

Reflection on Friendship:

When you’re going through a difficult and long health crisis, you really get to see who your village is. While I’m definitely a social person, I keep my true village very small. The people who know me best and my ride or die list is about 3 people and honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way. Keeping adult friendships is hard in the best of times, but having a difficult illness puts you on a bit of an island and it can be a lonely place. (I often talk to my therapist about how this experience is very isolating; even my experience with other cancer patients is different because I’m often significantly younger, I don’t have children, and overall I’m at a different life stage. Often the only thing we have in common is the cancer - and I don’t want to talk about that all the time.)

But what I have discovered is that the ones who really care show up and show out for you in big ways and small. A morning text, a coffee, a sweet treat in the fridge, sending me a funny little meme to make me chuckle - I know that these individuals keep me in the back of their minds and try to find ways to make me feel their love.

In this journey, you also tend to lose people you thought you were close to and that’s okay. It’s just part of the deal - and as I’ve discovered in therapy, often it has nothing to do with the individual going through cancer. Sometimes people need to step away for their own reasons; it can be sad, sometimes a little hurtful tbh. But that doesn’t mean that they weren’t your friend when they were engaged in your life. I’m lucky to have some really fun memories with them and that’s something to be grateful for.

Reflection on Setbacks:

There were several setbacks this year - mostly in my health. Of course the biggest being finding cancer on my lungs; but there were other smaller setbacks as well that made me incredibly frustrated. I really wanted to go back to the gym this year - that was dashed pretty quickly. I've always considered myself an athlete and not even being able to have the option to do physical activity continues to be a real frustration.

Going through treatment again also meant going through another period of being bald. While certainly less traumatic than the first time, I would still consider this a setback. Before I started treatment in June, I was getting used to wearing sew-in weaves and having a routine in place that helped me feel my best. After treatment started, I almost immediately decided to cut my hair off and then shave my head bald. For a few reasons really, related to personal comfort, but also because I just didn't want to wake up every day with hair on my pillow - that would have been worse for my mental health. Having to let go of the forward momentum that I had been making was extremely disappointing.

My stamina and cardiovascular health is at the lowest it’s ever been in my life. When I went to NYC in May to visit a very dear friend (and my brother), I had to stop a lot and sit so I didn’t get to see all the things I wanted to because I just couldn’t.

When I went to Colorado in October with my husband, I wanted to spend a lot more time out in nature- I would have loved to go hiking or backpacking or cycling as the weather was incredible. But again, between my stamina and dealing with the side effects of treatment, I was more limited than I wanted to be.

I think perhaps the other big setback from this year comes from not being in the place that I want to be or where I thought I would be at 32. I thought that I would be done with many of these health challenges this year and I could begin moving forward in my life instead of feeling stuck. And honestly that’s how I’ve been feeling most of the year - stuck.

One thing about being stuck is that it does force you to stop and reflect. I’ve been doing that a lot this year - through both this blog, with my therapist, and in a little journal.

What have I learned in 2024?

All of these setbacks have had a purpose - at least that's what I'm choosing to believe. I believe that there is definitely a lesson to be had or a silver lining to be found. So, here are the lessons/silver linings that I've gained from this year:

• Things aren't going to look how you think it should - and ultimately that's okay, even if it's pretty annoying

• Sometimes you just need to rest - mentally, physically, and energetically/spiritually - and if you don't make the time, dealing with the fallout from burn out is often much much worse.

• Finding a community takes time and work, but once you find them, they can help you feel not so alone - this lesson came from my friend Jorge, and I've really tried to take it to heart this year and I plan on going even further in the new year

• Soup is a warm hug in a mug and can fix a lot of problems in your life - and give you the strength to face the next challenge

  and the last one:

• Sometimes there is no lesson or silver lining, and the universe just sucks - but you do get to try again tomorrow so at least there's that.

So, what’s next for 2025?

If you don't know by now, I'm striving to use this space to share my honest feeling about things. And I'm honestly feeling pretty hopeful for the new year, and maybe a little apprehensive, and maybe a little bit ambitious. Here is my 2025 mood board of quotes that I want to use to keep me inspired:

My key words for the year are Family, Friendship, Connection, Travel, and Growth. These I think represent the most key pillars of myself and that's really what I want to focus on this year.

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I'm a firm believer in telling other people your goals and dreams to hold yourself accountable to the people in your life. So to that end, here's what I'm focused on and my goals for the year:

Personal Development

Read 50 Books this year

Find and plug into a new community or reconnect with an old community

Health and Wellness

Start a gentle exercise routine (yoga, walking, etc.)

Fuel my body right with good food

Career

Attend a workshop/seminar on a topic I'm interested in

Keep building my relationship with mentors and people I admire in my field

Get reengaged in the Hispanic Women's Network Community

Relationship with my Husband

More Dates, especially breakfast ones

More tiny surprises and just because surprises

Social Life and Friends

Celebrate more things and milestones; doesn't have to be big to be celebrated

Schedule intentional time with my close circle

Host Events

Family

Schedule intentional time with my brothers when they come to visit

Make time for extended family

Travel Adventures

Schedule more time off this year & get away from home

Touch more grass/spend more time in nature

Get my passport (I want to travel internationally next year)

Creative Expression

Make fun things on my Cricut just for funs

Garden/Grow some Herbs

Learn some new kitchen skills (I've really been interesting in learning how to can and make jam and jelly. Also baking - not something I'm very good at yet)

Sanchez Ranch - My Home

Buy our first home and move

Build a cozy home to rest, relax, and recharge in for me and my loved ones

Everything has a place - even if that place is the trashcan (minimize clutter)

Health Harmony - AI Health Navigator Application

Build my own MVP & officially launch into the market

Go to HLTH Conference

Get one investor

8Bit Education - STEM Education Summer and After School Program

Brand Relaunch Completed

Instructor Curriculum & Resources Published

All items copyrighted

As you can see there is a lot that I want to do in 2025, but I feel like these all align with my core principles and focus and while I don't think I'll finish everything, I know these overall goals will help keep me aligned and on track for the year.

So, I think that's all I've got for now. As the year comes to a close, I wish you nothing but cozy nights with the people you love, tasty treats, friendship, and lastly, joy for the new year.

LOVE & HOT COCOA,

OS