What Should You Say? - Input from a Cancer Patient
- Sep 16, 2024
- 2 min read
One day a friend confides in you that they have recently been diagnosed with cancer. The first reaction is often shock and surprise. It is hard to know what to say and how to behave. And to be honest, it can be quite frightening - worried that you might say the "wrong" thing. But fear not, my lovely friends, I do have some input on how you might be able to handle such a situation.
Here are 3 things that I would keep top of mind when you're faced with this situation:
It's a lot of unknowns and a general feeling of uncertainty
Sometimes we wanna talk about something else
Staying in the uncomfortable moment is all we need from you
In my opinion, the words Cancer and Uncertainty should go right next to each other. Especially in the early days right after diagnosis, there’s really not a whole lot of solid information to share. Partly because there is a significant amount of testing that has to be done, partly because there’s a lot of information given to you from the doctors, and partly because there is some trial and error when deciding on what treatment to move forward with. There will be a lot of unknowns so don’t be surprised if your friend or family member says “I don’t know” a lot. Usually it takes a few weeks to really settle into treatment - it’s hard to know how the body is going to react to chemo until you start going through it.
Here’s how you can be supportive: keep asking how they are doing and if they need anything. As treatment progresses, needs will change and your friend will need different levels of support the longer treatment goes on.
While it’ll be tempting to only talk about treatment and how it’s going, discussing all the details. But after a while, your friend may want to talk about other mundane things - work, football, what they are reading, etc.
This seems like it might contradict the first point I made - but what I’m getting at is that it’s okay to talk about things over than cancer and appointments. It’s important to remember that your friend is more than their cancer and is doing more than their treatment.
Through out the cancer journey, there will be times when it’s going to be uncomfortable - for you, for your friend, for their family. There is so much about this journey that is uncomfortable - managing the symptoms, weight gain, weight loss, struggling to eat, and so many other things. If you can, one of the best ways to support a friend is to just be in the uncomfortable moments with them. This could mean sitting through a long period of silence. It could mean holding their hand while they cry. It could mean listening while they curse the universe. I promise you that it’s going to mean more to them if you being there than any gift you could bring.
In summary, being there for someone who has cancer is going to look different for everyone, but I promise you being there is the most important thing you could do for them.
Talk again soon,
OS
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